I was working out this morning at the ungodly hour of 5:30 am fairly early when this kid approached me on the elliptical machine. He commented on my t-shirt bearing the name of my graduate school and asked if I went there. *Obviously* “Yes. I just graduated grad school.” He continued a very one-sided conversation about how he was thinking of going there, he was in community college, was I from around here? “No.” And proceded to give me full details on where he went to high school and his typical gym routine. “Great, that’s good. I’m going to finish my workout now.” *put headphoens back in, wedding ring in full view, is this guy completely dense??*” It was a clear dismissal without being completely rude (although to be honest I was still just too asleep to pull off mean). Thinking that awkward situation was over, I carried on with my workout only to have him approach me 20 min later asking my name, telling me his, “Nice to meet you” *puts headphones back on,* and how maybe he’ll see me around. No. No you won’t.
So here are a few ground rules the gym should post besides no talking on cell phones and appropriate gym attire:
- If it is before 6am in the MORNING, do not hit on a girl.
- If a girl only takes one ear bud out of her ear when you approach her, she is being polite, not interested, and is probably very annoyed.
- Do not continue conversation if she gives one word answers.
- Do not attempt to approach a girl a second time if she has already given you one word answers and a dismissal, unless of course you are a glutton for feeling sorry for yourself.
- If a girl comes to work out in a ratty t-shirt and shorts, with hair pulled back, smudged makeup, and no concealer, she is only interested in getting in her workout, not talking to you.
- And please avoid giving workout pointers or telling her your gym routine. That will only ensure you NEVER see her again as she will avoid that hour at all costs.